By: Thomas Cooper

Reporters are racing to interview the President of the United States, Barack Obama. To get a chance to do that, they ask for a permission in advance, and often have to submit the list of question they intend to ask the president and get approved to ask those questions, after all they are requesting to interview the “supposedly” the most powerful man in the world. The president will have the answers prepared and memorized before the camera is turned on.

I am not a famous reporter. In fact, I am not a reporter at all, but I would love to get an opportunity to sit across from Mr. Obama and ask him a few questions that I am aching to get the answers to. I would ask him the following hypothetical questions to which I expect to get the following hypothetical answers. 

Q1: Assuming that you have just drank a big bottle of the “truth serum”, and assuming that this interview will never leave this room, would you promise to answer each question honestly and truthfully? In other words, what comes out of your lips is exactly what’s in your head?

A1: Yes, of course.

Q2: Great, what do you think of your performance as a president so far. And what grade would you give yourself on this performance? And why?

A2: I think I am doing a much better job than my predecessor. That’s not a big pat on the back because a monkey could do a better job than him. I would love to be able to have a free hand to do what’s right without having to worry about others’ influence and pressure. As for grading my performance, I would give myself a 70%, because I couldn’t  do many of the things that I really want to do before leaving the white house, many of which were among my campaign promises.

Q3: What is the “others influence”? And what kind of pressure are you under?

A3: You have no idea. Our system is messed up. The people who have all the power and influence in this country are not the people in congress or even the president, they are the lobbyists of big corporations and even other countries around the world. When I ran for this office, I wanted to do away with those damn lobbyists but they have so much power that I felt powerless standing up to them.

Q4: What country has the most powerful lobbyists and is most influential when it comes to foreign policy?

A4: Undoubtedly, the Israeli lobbyists have the biggest influence on our foreign policy. They literally dictate to us what we should and should not do when it comes to dealing with other countries, especially in the Middle East. When I was elected President, I wanted, very badly, to establish peace and tranquility between the Palestinians and the Israelis but so far I have failed miserably.

Q5:  What do you attribute your failure to?

A5: You can’t enforce peace on people who don’t want it especially if they control you. It’s not in the Israelis’ best interest to have peace, that’s why they keep sabotaging every effort I, or any American president for that matter, come up with, and those damn lobbyists, headed by AIPAC, which I call the most dangerous organization in the country, make sure that we cater to the Israeli agenda and fulfill their every demand.

Q6: Can you give me some examples on the Israelis sabotaging your efforts to establish peace in the Middle East?

A6: I can give you plenty of examples. When I sent John Kerry to meet with the Palestinians and Israelis, they verbally attacked him and called him “Anti Semitic”, which’s a phrase they often use to attack someone who criticizes them in any way. Netanyahu recently annexed (another word for robbing at gun point) a large piece of land in the Jerusalem area to build an Israeli settlement. Does that look like a man who wants peace?

Q7: Speaking of Netanyahu, what do honestly think of him?

A7: This man, if you can call him that, is the worst human being on earth. No one described him better than one of my staff members, who shall remain nameless, when he called him “chicken shit”. This scum bag launched a war or rather a massacre against the people of Gaza, in the name of protecting Israel, killing 2,200 innocent people and destroyed countless number of buildings just for the hell of it. I ask you again, does that look like a man who wants peace? You know what’s the worst part? I had to announce my support for the Israelis, on camera, and defend their decision to attack Gaza, blaming those rockets that have been fired at Israel.

Q8: Don’t you think those rockets were the real reason for this war, or as you called it, massacre?

A8: You and I and every intelligent person know that Israel was not attacked when Netanyahu decided to use our planes, missiles, and tanks to do his dirty work. He just wanted to kill more Palestinians and destroy their homes. If the Israelis wanted to respond to the rocket attack, as they claim, they can pin point their locations and surgically take them out without destroying the building that are heavily populated with people. To show their malicious intent, they even bombed a UN shelter housing a large amount of food supplies for the starving people of Gaza. That makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

Q9: Mr. President, you are the most powerful man in the world, can’t you force what’s right on all parties in the Middle East?

A9: Are you kidding? The Israeli Lobbyists and supports of Israel will have my head on a gold platter. Calling me anti Semitic and calling for my impeachment will be the least they will do to me. I can’t force them to be humans if they are nothing but a bunch of beasts, they won’t listen anyway, and I just can’t make them.

Q10: What do you think of the rapidly growing anti-Israel and anti-Semitic movement?

A10: Thank God, people around the world, especially in the United States, are finally waking up. The American people are not dumb but we’ve been brain washed and lied to by the establishment into believing that the Israelis are the victims and we should support them, when in reality they are killing innocent people, steeling their resources, destroying their homes and confiscating at gun point their land.

Me: Thank you very much Mr. President. This interview was an eye opener. Your answers were candid, honest and to the point.

The President: you’re most welcomed. Remember, you said this interview will never leave this room. That’s why I agreed to give you honest answers.

Me: No Mr. President. I said: assuming that this interview will never leave this room.

The President: If you publish this interview, I will deny ever saying anything to you or ever meeting you.

Me: Thanks again Mr. President.

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